This Week My Clients Are Struggling With This

As I look back on the challenges my clients are dealing with this week I see two common themes - difficult people and lack of clarity. 

First, people are difficult for one reason - they are insecure and unhappy. That shouldn't become your problem, but often difficult people exude what looks like confidence. This gets them promoted to high level positions. That perceived confidence is a smoke screen to hide what is behind the sand they kick up. Underneath they feel unqualified, ineffective and ultimately that they may lose respect, their job and be alone. Knowing this your goals are:

  1. Consistently, make sure they know you have their back even though they will never have yours.
  2. Be in alignment with what they value. "Since I know this is important to you......."
  3. Stay off their radar screen. Don't play into their chaos. Don't meet with them unless necessary. Give them choices as it underscores their power. Don't posture to be favored. Let others live in the chaos.
  4. If...
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Six Steps When You've Internalized Their Bad Behavior to be About You

So often we internalize people’s negative behavior toward us as something wrong with us. If your uncertain about someone's pensive perspective on you follow these steps.

1. Schedule a meeting with the other person with the purpose of creating a better working or personal relationship. Do not handle this through email.

2. Tell her you hope you are wrong yet you sense judgment from her. Ask him what you could do to improve the relationship.

3. Listen for opportunities for self-improvement. Ask her what she believes her role is in aligning the relationship.

4. If after you have done this her behavior doesn’t change, she doesn't own her part in the misalignment or she won’t even meet with you it’s time to let go of your expectations of her. Unrest always lies in expectations. Having them is useless and out of your control. Goals you can affect are far better.

5. Release your desire for a healthy relationship with him and start managing him like a difficult...

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