The Year is Nearly Over - What Now? 12 Reso-YOU-tions

Would you take a trip without a map? Of course not. This year is nearly over and you might be looking at the New Year and setting resoutions with skepticism. We think we can create a resolution and get there just because we want to. It doesn't work that way. The reason most resolutions fail is because they are simply notions centered on “getting” something and not grounded in the root of what drives people - authenticity and values.

12 Reso-YOU-tions for Results in 2019

1. Write down your goals. Studies show that people who write down their intentions reach them far more than those who don’t.

2. Define what you will let go of. What’s the head trash that inserts itself in your life every time you want to make a leap? Sometimes we need to eliminate before we can add.

3. Define who you will let go of. People are toxic too. Who would you be without negative influence?

4. Sure up a financial safety net. Max out your 401(k) contributions....

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Disarm the Bully with Your Game

Last evening one of my clients was suffering because of a colleague who was bullying her. This bully was sucking her energy and high performance right out of her. I was so happy for her to watch her become a mindful third party observer of the bully’s behavior such that it even made her laugh.

Losing your cool is as bad as withdrawing. Both render you ineffective. Both dummy down your authentic risk taking ability. People notice both. 

When you play it safe or are reactionary you are playing THEIR game. Play YOUR game. Pause. Critical think. Observe what is behind the mask. Be curious. Then get back to your strengths. 

When the bully senses that you are holding it together his or her behavior will escalate. That is where you become amused. Just stare at them. Observe. It can be quite entertaining.

May you become a silent witness to all your experiences, including your personal history. That’s power. That’s executive presence.

Do you want to advance in...

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When You Expect Life to be Fair

So much energy is wasted on expecting life to be fair. That’s like thinking the lion won’t eat you because you didn’t eat him. 

Reality is your friend. It’s what is. Not what was, what should be, what could be, what will be or what isn’t. Those keep you stuck.

Accepting reality is power. We get there by focusing on the moment at hand and not any other. We smile at the vibrant color of a flower, the laugh of a child, the smell of sea air, the feel of rain on our skin.

In all darkness there is light for without it we would not know darkness. Take a deep breath and find the pinpoint of light. Allow it to be your jumping-in point - sunshine, moonlight, a candle, a light on your desk, an overhead light. And share that light with someone today in a smile, a hello, a compliment on something specific, a thank-you. 

You are light and make the difference the world needs, your team needs, your friends need and your family needs. We need you now.

Do you...

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Six Steps When You've Internalized Their Bad Behavior to be About You

So often we internalize people’s negative behavior toward us as something wrong with us. If your uncertain about someone's pensive perspective on you follow these steps.

1. Schedule a meeting with the other person with the purpose of creating a better working or personal relationship. Do not handle this through email.

2. Tell her you hope you are wrong yet you sense judgment from her. Ask him what you could do to improve the relationship.

3. Listen for opportunities for self-improvement. Ask her what she believes her role is in aligning the relationship.

4. If after you have done this her behavior doesn’t change, she doesn't own her part in the misalignment or she won’t even meet with you it’s time to let go of your expectations of her. Unrest always lies in expectations. Having them is useless and out of your control. Goals you can affect are far better.

5. Release your desire for a healthy relationship with him and start managing him like a difficult...

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When Controlling Yourself is the Most Difficult Part of the Conflict

     Nearly all conflict in the world stems from one simple necessity – and it isn’t the need to win. Wars, corporate battles, department squabbles, and relationship foes are rooted in the same deep-seated need – the need to be right.

     Compound the need to be right with an ineffective ability to persuade others to believe you are right can lure in feelings of inadequacy and, in extreme cases, an overwhelming feeling of threat. Not only are our emotions running wild with fear, anger, and frustration a physical reaction begins to occur.

     When we sense we are in danger our body gears up to protect itself. You may have noticed your heart racing before a big presentation or your throat tightening as an argument escalates. This is the body preparing itself for what is called “fight-or-flight,” an immediate physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event. This was...

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When You Are About to Lose Your Executive Presence with a Difficult Person

Dear {{first_name}},

Have you ever tried to reason with a difficult person who absolutely will not listen? Anxiety builds when you think you are making a logical argument, have the facts behind you, the other person is not bending at all yet you keep arguing with them. You start to question yourself, doubting your effectiveness. Your frustration becomes apparent, unraveling of your composure and destroying your executive presence. 

If after you have tried to work with someone to examine all sides of an issue and the other party still behaves egregiously, dismiss the conversation like it never happened. You heard me. Walk away. 

Don't argue with fools or you will become the fool. Cut the conversation off cold. "I respectfully disagree." and move on – walk away, address another party, get off the phone, leave the room. 

This abrupt ending will send a clear message that you see no value in engaging, devaluing their perspective all together without becoming...

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Three Questions to Eradicate Conflict

When I see conflict in the workplace it often relates to turf. Someone feels threatened. Something is at stake. Some compromise needs to be made that leaves people uncomfortable. And people retreat to their respective corners to protect their territory. After all, change means giving up something - Right?

Not always. Change often means opportunity. But opportunity is hard to see when shielded by the blinding rays of pride. And pride is the rose-colored sunglass of fear. “I’m not afraid. If he/she would just ___________ (do their job, not expect so much, leave things alone, be nicer to me, show respect) this problem would not be happening.”

When you are involved in conflict and feel the adrenaline rush grip you in a panic just pause. If you practice this, over time, you will be able to increase that “Pause Café space” between when you feel fear and negatively react to it, compromising your executive presence. In the pause moment ask yourself the...

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When Things Are Out of Your Control

It’s human nature to look in the mirror and compare ourselves to the images our culture throws at us every day. Being young, successful, body beautiful and wealthy are what our society thrives on, reminding us of what we should aspire to be. And so, we invest in expensive products, clothes, gym memberships, degrees, makeup, youth enhancements and the like grasping to experience what these images project - happiness. Yet the U.S. remains the most depressed and overmedicated nation in the world.

When we look outside ourselves for acceptance and don’t find it we reach for control as a lever of hope. A plethora of industries are happy to take your money to feed your need to belong among ‘the pretty people’ yet after you buy the Prada handbag, MBA, Rolex watch and Mercedes as a solution to the void you feel and the initial thrill subsides you are still left with the same feeling of not being enough. More purchases of the same only leave the hole emptier. So, then...

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Seven Tips to Find the Right Industry and Position for Your Next Career Move

Don’t have an accidental life or career. Often more planning goes into a summer vacation than a 40-year career or 90-year life. Spend purposeful time creating an actionable plan for your next career move and you can trade the treadmill to nowhere for fulfilment. 

  1. Know Your Values 

If you are considering making a career change and aren’t sure where to start, start with what you know best. Nobody knows you better than YOU. Recommit to your values – your principles or standards on what is so important such that living these values makes you more fulfilled than anything else. 

Values are principles or standards of behavior – your judgment on what matters most in life. Examples of values include: Balance, Autonomy, Freedom. Creativity, Listening, Humor, Family etc. Write down your values. 

  1. List Your Transferable Skills 

Transferable skills fall into the three categories: 1.) Communication - speaking effectively, writing concisely,...

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How to Let Go When You’ve Tried Everything Else

By nature we home into a negative bias. It’s how we’ve evolved as a species and not become extinct - by keeping ourselves safe. We are very good at noticing danger - so good that our ‘danger antenna’ is primed more than our ‘happiness antenna.’  

So how do we break through this false-prison-comfort-zone we trap ourselves in? 

Certainly not by pressing down the gas peddle on more of the same - complaining, blaming, victimizing, playing it safe. These are the very thoughts we need to let go of to take the risks that bring growth.  

Deal with the things you run from. It is the only way to let them go. Yes, it’s hard. But if we don’t admit what feeling is at the root of our pain it will bubble up each time that feeling you haven’t accepted is triggered. You may have felt abandoned, rejected, dismissed, hurt. Whatever it is examine it. Don’t turn away. “I feel dismissed and it hurt.” Get...

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