Last evening one of my clients was suffering because of a colleague who was bullying her. This bully was sucking her energy and high performance right out of her. I was so happy for her to watch her become a mindful third party observer of the bully’s behavior such that it even made her laugh.
Losing your cool is as bad as withdrawing. Both render you ineffective. Both dummy down your authentic risk taking ability. People notice both.
When you play it safe or are reactionary you are playing THEIR game. Play YOUR game. Pause. Critical think. Observe what is behind the mask. Be curious. Then get back to your strengths.
When the bully senses that you are holding it together his or her behavior will escalate. That is where you become amused. Just stare at them. Observe. It can be quite entertaining.
May you become a silent witness to all your experiences, including your personal history. That’s power. That’s executive presence.
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By nature we home into a negative bias. It’s how we’ve evolved as a species and not become extinct - by keeping ourselves safe. We are very good at noticing danger - so good that our ‘danger antenna’ is primed more than our ‘happiness antenna.’
So how do we break through this false-prison-comfort-zone we trap ourselves in?
Certainly not by pressing down the gas peddle on more of the same - complaining, blaming, victimizing, playing it safe. These are the very thoughts we need to let go of to take the risks that bring growth.
Deal with the things you run from. It is the only way to let them go. Yes, it’s hard. But if we don’t admit what feeling is at the root of our pain it will bubble up each time that feeling you haven’t accepted is triggered. You may have felt abandoned, rejected, dismissed, hurt. Whatever it is examine it. Don’t turn away. “I feel dismissed and it hurt.” Get...
MINDFUL OF SELF AND OTHERS - OUCH!!!! Have you ever gotten off the phone with someone who called to ask you for help and felt like you'd just been worked over? Have you ever found yourself thinking, "There is something about that person I do not like or trust?" Trust your gut. Your head is too analytical and your heart is too emotional.
This happened to me yesterday when a person called me to help them regarding a positon I happen to know a lot about. This person was referred to me by a friend. It was for free advice. I agreed because of my work relationship with the other party. I was annoyed and put an end to what felt like an interview quickly after first turning the 'interview' on this person - to help this person realize the rudeness of the behavior. It didn't work. No self-awareness.
Don't doubt yourself. Believe in your instinct. Instinct has kept us alive as a species for centuries. If a perspective is that visceral it is trying to tell you something. Listen.
Note to Self -...
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