You’re a leader in a high performing role but deep down you understand that emotional intelligence and clarity are critical to your success. You’ve started to doubt yourself. You feel you don’t have a clear career path and feel you need more executive presence for greater influence and efficacy.
You’ve noticed your relationships are frayed, you’re resentful, you’re not sleeping well and other healthy habits have gone by the wayside too.
Here is what I know to be true:
You want to let go of that nasty, debilitating thought that gnaws at your peace, ambition and ability to show up for people you care about.
But doubt keeps weaseling itself back to the front of your mind and taking up more space every time it resurfaces.
You read self-help books.
You listen to podcasts.
You think about it a lot yet nothing changes.
You figure you’ll just work harder because that always worked before only now not only are you stuck, you’re exhausted. And people are distancing themselves from you.
You get hard on yourself because you can’t fix this.
You start to think there’s something wrong with you, that this will last forever and effect your relationships.
You notice that your are giving up hope.
The truth is…
The reason none of these things are working is two fold…
I have one distinct trait that stands out among everything I do.
I see people. I see their genius very clearly. And I can get to the root of what is in the way.
I've had this quality my entire life. It used to get me in trouble because I always asked a lot of questions. It's no surprise that after a long day in my CEO role I ended up coaching in the late afternoons and early evenings.
Sometimes people don't want to go into the dark corners of their lives. I'm fascinated by the dark corners because I know by experience how empty they are and that I can shed light there.
I see when someone has lost their magic. This is the saddest for me and is when I am especially attentive to someone’s pain.
I see when people are in their own way.
I see when ‘business’ has taken the place of acceptance.
I see a life change when someone shifts from resentment, aloneness, blaming and complaining to confidence, connection...
I’ve been coaching leaders of different titles and industries for 12 years. Over time I’ve witnessed common themes show up in almost everyone. Truthfully, I’ve seen them show up in myself as well.
We feel unrest in our careers. And it begins to spread to our personal lives.
We stop taking care of ourselves. We break from healthy routines such as exercise, eating healthy, a good night’s sleep.
We distance ourselves from the people we care about.
We stop seeing ourselves as top talent in our area of expertise.
We start to doubt our efficacy at all. We think there is something wrong with us. And then we see ourselves as small. In all aspects of our lives.
And then we show up small, perpetuating the very insidious doubt trap that hamstrings our happiness.
I know this well from having been a single mom on welfare food stamps, medical assistance, and homeless without an automobile at the end of my divorce. You...
Yes, it’s the week most people are doing the “what am I going to do in the new year?” struggle. We reflect on the past year and wonder, even worry sometimes, about what the plan will be for change in the new year.
Resolutions are pointless because they’re not tied to a linear system to create practices that make them happen. Most people don’t stick to resolutions and end up feeling more defeated when they can’t.
So, they dummy down real goal setting to things like, “I won’t swear.” Or “I’ll lose 5 pounds.” Or “I’ll get that project finished on time.” These are simply notions. All of these are not tied to defined values or a mindset and plan that changes habits. They likely will not occur either. More defeat.
It makes me sad to watch great people undercut their happiness.
This week my clients do something else. They use a tool to guide them through a healthy reflection...
Everyone is carrying their own version of, “I’m not good enough” which deep down means “I’m not lovable.” Some people have had this message reinforced more than is reasonable.
What if you could turn down the volume on that message to allow for a message to emerge from your core, not your protected self?
What if you could stop identifying with things that happened in the past and allow for who you are without that situation to step forward and direct your thoughts?
What if you could be the one person who shows a difficult person that they matter today?
Thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions. Honor the feelings so as to release them. In that space you are the creator of new thoughts.
Thoughts are not edicts. They are energy. We choose our thoughts. New thoughts will lead to new feelings. And there’s no limit to the actions you’ll take there. You’re ready.
When you put down the heavy...
Can we all please normalize appreciating PTO. Arnie and I decided a long time ago that we have to be the ones to prioritize our wellbeing. We didn’t wait for retirement to get the beach house. We don’t wait for retirement to travel. We don’t wait for retirement to regularly visit our children out of town. We don’t wait for retirement to take up hobbies, new sports, creative endeavors, meet new friends. We don’t have a bucket list. We live it every day.
I've spent most of my career as an execuitive at hospitals all to often seeing people retire, think they're going to do everything they've been waiting their whole lives to do, and an illness stops them in their tracks. Don't wait. Scale your dreams to what is reasonable and live them now.
Arnie and I are both high achievers and realize that sometimes doing our best means reflecting on what’s in the way of that happening.
The American culture has convinced many people that the work...
This podcast shows you how to stop self-sabotage and regret. Thoughts can be chaos when they are out of control. Finding your still space gives you power. In your still space you gain control over runaway thoughts before they hijack your efficacy and likability. In this episode wew explore mindful daily practices that help you build your awareness to notice the still space window before it closes and you’ve missed the opportunity and said or done something you regret.