Compassion is powerful. We all think we have it. And then we see something that makes us uncomfortable and we forget how to show it.
I’ve been paralyzed by this too. I had to work on how to feel, then demonstrate compassion when I had little of it for myself during a difficult divorce.
Lack of compassion shows up when someone close to you is grieving and you don’t know what to say or do so you avoid, when someone is suffering and you start wondering if their situation might happen to you, when you start comparing their situation to yours, when you’re frustrated that you can’t fix their situation, and when you’re so spent you don’t have anything left to give.
In all of these instances we make someone else’s suffering about us. Yes. We’re in our own heads and not their pain.
At work and in life this can look like detachment, cold, unfeeling, self-consumed, and ambition driven.
Compassion is an...
You want to let go of that nasty, debilitating thought that gnaws at your peace, ambition and ability to show up for people you care about.
But doubt keeps weaseling itself back to the front of your mind and taking up more space every time it resurfaces.
You read self-help books.
You listen to podcasts.
You think about it a lot yet nothing changes.
You figure you’ll just work harder because that always worked before only now not only are you stuck, you’re exhausted. And people are distancing themselves from you.
You get hard on yourself because you can’t fix this.
You start to think there’s something wrong with you, that this will last forever and effect your relationships.
You notice that your are giving up hope.
The truth is…
The reason none of these things are working is two fold…
We become our worst critic when things start to go bad.
What if things weren’t going bad at all?
What if things were just happening on your road to figuring out what right path to take?
What if the way you relate to the difficult things that happen could change?
What if you believed everything you need you already have?
What if you had the courage to let all the drama of discord settle like snow in a snow globe?
What if what you see isn’t anything that you expected?
What if it was a little scary at first and you were ok with that?
What if what used to be chaos is now clarity?
You can’t be at your best when you are plagued with fatigue and defeat – when you aren’t fresh, innovative and excited.
I learned this the hard way. As a chief executive I got to a point where I ceased to be willing to subrogate my wellbeing for my career and learned a...
1. Be YOU-SMART first.
Self-awareness is a leading indicator of happiness and success because if you are aware of what is in your mind you can self-regulate a negative thought before it triggers bad behavior and cripples your executive presence. Don't retreat to a default behavior of lashing out, withdrawing, defensive posturing or paralysis. Be mindful of your thoughts. Become an observer of them without inserting yourself into the emotion of them. Be gentle with yourself. Be self-compassionate when you doubt yourself. If you know your strengths, play to them. Surround yourself with people who have your weaknesses as their strengths so that you may observe their behavior.
Define your personal values so that you know when you are out of alignment with them and can readjust in situations as opposed to trying to achieve an expectation that isn't in alignment with your authenticity. Personal values are simply the things you hold dear that no one can take away from you such as humor,...