So Much Tension

Do you ever look out at the world and wonder why with so much beauty there is so much tension? Why at work there is a sound mission yet there are personal agendas, bureaucracy, posturing and cynicism. 

Why at home and with friends there is love yet there are interpersonal struggles. 

Why with your free time there are interests but there never seems to be enough time to get to them. 

I took this photo on the beach recently because it reminded me that when we slow to a standstill we can actually canvas the landscape to notice not only what we need but more importantly what we want. 

You think you need a new job. You think you need a different partner, more love, new friends. You think you need more time. 

What you really want is to show up at work with confidence, influence and strategic execution that matters, gets noticed and opens opportunities for you to serve in a stronger capacity. 

What you want is to go home, not reach for cookies or wine,...

Continue Reading...

This is Not Self Care

     I used to think self-care was my bubble bath or reading my self-help books after a crisis moment. While these provided a breath of fresh air they weren’t helping me to deal with raw emotions in the moment.

     Do you see self-care as after-care? Do you wait until the let-down, crisis, doubt sets in and then try to play catch-up to snap you out of feeling inadequate and question why this pattern keeps happening to you?

     You deserve better. And only you can give that to yourself.

     It’s freeing to be able to see the hurt coming, slow down, and be still. Still. Understand that things come and go. Emotions come and go. The important thing is to accept them all. Nod at them. Embrace them all - not turn away in fear. Then you can choose to do with them what you want verses being controlled by them.

     Fear will consume you to the point of convincing you that you...

Continue Reading...

When They Are Talking About You

Ok - Intellectually we know we can't change what people say and can only change how we react. So, how do we stop overreacting, stop taking things personally, and stop the expectations and assumptions that leave us disappointed? 

The answer is acceptance. Happiness is the shortest distance between what you want and what you have. 

When we can observe our life and all our situations from a third part perspective without judgment there is a major shift to peace. It’s like watching a documentary of your life. It’s the fly on the wall perspective. 

We accept others and situations at face value - not trying to change them or control them. And, most importantly, we accept ourselves the same.

In this space…

We don’t live in fear of all the things our thoughts tell us might happen.

We don’t feel unseen, invalidated, disregarded, irrelevant or as if we don’t matter.

We don’t wallow in all the guilt and blame we use to avoid what we...

Continue Reading...

Do you feel invisible to Senior Leadership - and in your personal life?

 

You have worked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you’re done with feeling undervalued. Top leaders seem to pass you over time and time again only to promote and give opportunities to those with less experience and results. You’re getting resentful and noticing it affects your relationships, your weight and your sleep. 

You’re starting to believe you waited too long to make a career move. You think you've wasted time not developing transferable skills. You’ve been passed over so many times that you believe you aren’t relevant anymore. You figure you are stuck where you are forever so maybe you should just give up on your dreams. 

My personal mission is to see leaders with great character not have to doubt themselves any more - to help them rise to understand their inner wisdom and how to position it to thrive at work and in life.  

This month I am opening 6 spots to join my new signature program - Corner Office...

Continue Reading...

Do you feel invisible to senior leadership - and in your personal life?

You have worked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you’re done with feeling undervalued. Top leaders seem to pass you over time and time again only to promote and give opportunities to those with less experience and results. You’re getting resentful and noticing it affects your relationships, your weight and your sleep. 

You’re starting to believe you waited too long to make a career move. You think you've wasted time not developing transferable skills. You’ve been passed over so many times that you believe you aren’t relevant anymore. You figure you are stuck where you are forever so maybe you should just give up on your dreams. 

My peronal mission is to see leaders with great character not have to doubt themselves any more - to help them rise to understand their inner wisdom and how to position it to thrive at work and in life. 

In February I am opening 6 spots to join my new signature program - Corner Office Freedom -...

Continue Reading...

When You Want to Do Something Else

Every year at this time I ask my clients to designate one word for the year that will serve as a homing beacon for when life is confusing. This year I chose the world "ALLOW." I wrote the word in sand at our beach house, took a photo of it and put the image in a frame on my night stand where I look at it each evening before bed and each morning before I start my day. I've been doing this for years.

The word ALLOW served me well this year. I prevailed in my work on a $4.6 million capital campaign for an important project that serves under-resourced patients, supported my mother in an independent living facility, was executrix on my uncle's estate, overcame health challenges, celebrated a milestone birthday with the people I love - all while in the stress of a pandemic where people were sick and dying at the hospital where I am its Foundation's president.

I ALLOWED what was out of my control while focusing my energy on what was in my control. And for me a lot of that energy went...

Continue Reading...

Age Bias is Alive and Well

Ageism in the workforce is palpable. I have many clients experiencing it right now - getting phased out because they’re viewed as not tech savvy or sharp enough. Not only is that biased and discriminative, it’s just not true. But some work environments minimize this subset of the workforce so much that the workers begin to dummy down their own performance to play it safe and in that self-sabotage state live up to the stereotype they’ve been dubbed. Viscous. 

People in their 50s and 60s taught themselves how to use computers, survived wars with resilience and without the post-war armed services suicide rates we are seeing today, are loyal, can handle conflict, have no problem cold calling, can negotiate, can start and carry a conversation longer then a minute, can close a deal, and can build alignment. They also have institutional memory and want to serve and develop others. Is there no value for these skills? Of course there is. But just as our culture...

Continue Reading...

Three Questions to Eradicate Conflict

When I see conflict in the workplace it often relates to turf. Someone feels threatened. Something is at stake. Some compromise needs to be made that leaves people uncomfortable. And people retreat to their respective corners to protect their territory. After all, change means giving up something - Right?

Not always. Change often means opportunity. But opportunity is hard to see when shielded by the blinding rays of pride. And pride is the rose-colored sunglass of fear. “I’m not afraid. If he/she would just ___________ (do their job, not expect so much, leave things alone, be nicer to me, show respect) this problem would not be happening.”

When you are involved in conflict and feel the adrenaline rush grip you in a panic just pause. If you practice this, over time, you will be able to increase that “Pause Café space” between when you feel fear and negatively react to it, compromising your executive presence. In the pause moment ask yourself the...

Continue Reading...

When It Makes You Cringe

Have you ever had a visceral reaction to a colleague where just to be around them made you cringe? Generally that discomfort is based in ego - your competitiveness gone haywire. We get triggered into fight-or-flight and our ego hates to lose.  

Prepare before these encounters by anticipating the experience going well - where you shift from being defensive to being CURIOUS about HIS ego and need to be right or superior. Imagine if you could watch her arm wrestling her ego because that is exactly what is happening when people are mean - they are at war with themselves. Happy people do not hurt one another or seek attention.

Be the curious servant leader. “Jean, I sense that I’m not meeting your needs. I want to be helpful. If I were meeting your needs, what exactly would that look like?” She will likely not be able to be specific because she’s so tied up in attention seeking ego. If she is specific you’ll have great intel.

Your coach,

Mary Lee

...

Continue Reading...

Dealing with Work Drama

Direct communication is the best way to go through life. But instead, people practice avoidance (ignoring the person or the problem) or triangulation (bringing in a third person to validate that your condemnation is correct).  

Leadership expert Dr. Henry Cloud’s Law of Exposure says, “Life is better lived in the light — that is, things are better out in the open, even if these things are negative. Conflict or hard feelings cause a break in the connection between two people, and relationship can only be restored by communicating honestly. 

One of the biggest traps that we all fall into at one time or another is getting stuck in the whirlpool of unnecessary drama.” 

What I see is that avoidance of direct communication happens when we fear conflict. Rightly so. Everyone hates conflict. Except for those who thrive on drama - the most dangerously insecure people of all.  

But what if we shifted the perspective from conflict to...

Continue Reading...
1 2
Close

50% Complete

Sign up for the Executive Coaching e-Newsletter