This Shifts You Away from the Hurt

The shift to focusing on the lesson, not the hurt, is crucial for executive presence. It comes by way of building your self-awareness such that you notice your thoughts before you become them. How do we notice thoughts from a third party perspective instead of getting swept up in the emotions that follow? By training the mind to observe itself when not in a crisis. 

Mindful daily practices train the mind to stay in the moment and not react with regret. 

So build the discipline of mindful practices into your daily routine: read an inspirational passage, do a craft, meditate, take a mindful walk where you notice everything around you and not think about anything else, prayer. 

Then watch what how saying or thinking things you used to later regret dissipates. Notice how the people you used to hate become subjects of study. Observe how your words are more productive with people you care about. Others will notice how much more you smile.

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When they say, "Just get over it."

Yes, we want to help our loved ones and friends who are suffering. But, how do we help someone ‘get through it?' How do we help them move on and resume their lives as they were before crisis or tragedy. How do we help them usher in something new that they may never have experienced before - something that might be interesting and/or rewarding.

For a long time we thought we were showing strength to suck it up and just move on. The military bred this concept into the armed forces until they realized it wasn’t helpful and actually was quite damaging. When we deny our feelings and try to push past them they get further buried only to resurface with triggers - triggers that keep coming more frequently. Triggers, such as a painful memory, sound or situation, place us right back in thick of the emotion that we never reconciled.

People who are hurting don’t need you to fix them. They just want to know you care and are there. Just be with them. Often their discomfort makes...

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