Why Sometimes You Feel Small

Judgment is never helpful. It makes us artificially feel big when in fact it is a covering for feeling small. Life isn’t binary. There is a lot of grey between black and white. When we can be still enough to be aware of the grey we can honor the emotion that needs to be released so that we may see the clearing that calls us. Everyone is not called to the same path. The world is big. We can allow for lots of paths. We just have to be willing to walk our path alone. That’s self-acceptance. That’s knowing that we’re always evolving and learning. That’s being satisfied. That’s peace. 

We aren’t victims of our lives, we are conductors. 

We need reminders to help us stay on our path. Mindful routines do this. Each morning I do yoga, drink a slow glass of water, meditate, set three daily goals and set a daily intention. These routines take less than 30 minutes and help me start my day fresh, aware and totally focused on how I choose to...

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No More Doubt - This is for You!

Everyone is carrying their own version of, “I’m not good enough” which deep down means “I’m not lovable.” Some people have had this message reinforced more than is reasonable. 

What if you could turn down the volume on that message to allow for a message to emerge from your core, not your protected self? 

What if you could stop identifying with things that happened in the past and allow for who you are without that situation to step forward and direct your thoughts? 

What if you could be the one person who shows a difficult person that they matter today? 

Thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions. Honor the feelings so as to release them. In that space you are the creator of new thoughts.  

Thoughts are not edicts. They are energy. We choose our thoughts. New thoughts will lead to new feelings. And there’s no limit to the actions you’ll take there. You’re ready. 

When you put down the heavy...

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Managing Staff in Today's Culture

Every office is struggling with hiring and employee retention. I read and study it with fascination. The Industrial Age left employees with few options and they stayed because it was safe. The Information Age inspired a standard of living that employees aspired to and climbing the corporate ladder was what kept people motivated. After the economic crash of 2008 the Social Age emerged where people want quality of life because the economy and jobs are too unforgiving and unstable. We have to adapt because creating cultures that play to past Age dynamics are not working. 

Create an environment where employees have an opportunity to learn, grow, expand, explore. Options are abundant for employees. Contracts and incentives to stay don’t work. Don’t expect their loyalty or that they need you because your company is the biggest, or that the safety of their secure job will keep them. They’ll leave for a better opportunity to challenge themselves. You must be their...

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When People Around You Are Quiet Quitting

How many of you have seen this? You work in a culture where mediocrity is the norm. Where there is no incentive to be more dedicated because the underperformers are allowed to do the minimum. Where much is expected and there is little appreciation or reward.

There is a term for people who want to do the minimum of what is expected and nothing more. "Quite Quitting." I've seen this term debated and justified many times. Some cultures are so toxic that people quiet quit just to maintain their sanity. Other people become so disgruntled with their boss, having been passed over for promotion, an unfair distribution of work, or some other practice that they become tired, burned out and angry. Quiet quitting is intentional and becomes a survival mechanism.

My take on it is this - We don't get chosen for employment. We choose employers. We apply, interview and accept a position. We aren't entitled to work anywhere. We choose to. If we aren't happy there we can choose to have a...

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Two Phrases to Use When Giving Your Boss Negative Feedback, According to a CEO and Executive Coach

     Your boss is driving you crazy. You feel as if they don’t understand what it’s like to actually do the work. They aren’t considering the consequences of their words or decisions. They play the political game too often to be trusted. And their vision is self-serving or flawed.

     Collaborative teams where character rich colleagues work in alignment with servant leader bosses are ideal but not often the case. Everyone has an ego and bad bosses usually have the biggest.

     Managing the dance with ego is essential at work and in life. There are two egos in a boss/direct report relationship – theirs and yours. You want to anticipate theirs and regulate your own. This requires subduing your need to be right. You don’t need to be right, just get it right.

     Negative feedback is a misnomer in todays’ work environment. The purpose of feedback at work is to help a...

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So Much Tension

Do you ever look out at the world and wonder why with so much beauty there is so much tension? Why at work there is a sound mission yet there are personal agendas, bureaucracy, posturing and cynicism. 

Why at home and with friends there is love yet there are interpersonal struggles. 

Why with your free time there are interests but there never seems to be enough time to get to them. 

I took this photo on the beach recently because it reminded me that when we slow to a standstill we can actually canvas the landscape to notice not only what we need but more importantly what we want. 

You think you need a new job. You think you need a different partner, more love, new friends. You think you need more time. 

What you really want is to show up at work with confidence, influence and strategic execution that matters, gets noticed and opens opportunities for you to serve in a stronger capacity. 

What you want is to go home, not reach for cookies or wine,...

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The Regret of Starting Over

This is so important. Often we dread starting over because of regret. We beat ourselves up for being in a place we dread. We become risk averse so as not to repeat regret. We wonder if we might even deserve to be in a bad place and if it will ever change. 

Regret is ok. We learn from it. Just don’t stay there too long. 

I had to start over with four children under seven-years-old in the middle of a difficult divorce. We had gone from the country club life to public assistance, homelessness, and no automobile. I believed life would never be fair because of how we had ended up. I started to believe this was personal - like there was something wrong with me and that it was permanent. 

The truth is nobody said life is fair. It that we’re true the lion wouldn’t eat you because you didn’t eat him. I worked very hard in survival mode and rose quickly to the C-suite. I was grateful. But I was detached and unhappy. I had lost touch with what fun is and...

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A Realization Today

A realization today. A large part of my coaching practice is working for corporations, providing individual leadership coaching for good leaders who the organization want to develop into great leaders with exposure to self-management skills, executive presence, higher level awareness and accountability tactics.

I’m inspired by this work because these clients come to the table with incredible humility, a thirst to learn, an openness to get it right not be right, and a relief that someone is finally helping them discover within themselves their unique genius and how to use it while managing the intrusive thoughts that lead to crippling emotions and behaviors that undermine their peace and efficacy.

I am encouraged by the growing number of organizations that see that training and development, while very important, is not enough to help leaders search inside themselves for the shift necessary to unleash greatness. Challenging assumptions, letting go of perfectionism as a shield over...

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Do You Wear 'Busy' as a Badge of Honor?

I see this a lot in the corporate setting. People wear “busy” like a badge of honor. Early in my career I did too. It’s our way of grasping at perfection or averting the fear that is under the surface. Either way it’s a dance away from intimacy - away from the story we’re attached to that is fraught with flawed  perceptions. 

I don’t have time.

I don’t have enough experience.

I’m too old.

I’m too young.

I’ll never get this right.

It hasn’t worked til now so what’s the point?

If I let up, I’ll never catch up.

I’m too overwhelmed to think of a different way.

I have to try harder than others.

I’ll sit back and let my work ethic speak for itself.

Hard work is not a differentiator at the senior level. Everyone works hard there. You have to show self-awareness, be able to manage your emotions in the moment, strategize quickly especially in a crisis moment, execute a well articulated vision,...

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It's Their Fault

Reflecting on what I’ve learned from the clients I have the privilege to work with. Human behavior has always fascinated me. I’ve studied it for years. It’s amazing how we can repeat patterns over and over and don’t see the regularity of them as we continue to victimize ourselves by externalizing the origin of our unrest. 

“It’s their fault.” “This is so unfair.” “Why does this always happen to me?” “Only I get treated this way.” “This is never going to change.” 

Strong people who are uncomfortable enough with the unrest of failing relationships, lack of career advancement, poor sleep and health habits and frustration with a stagnant life commit to do something about it. 

But if that commitment isn’t a look inside themselves they’re just busying themselves with change for the sake of change on the treadmill to nowhere. Then when nothing changes not only are they...

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