Purpose is Overrated
There is a lot of focus on purpose in our culture. Not having one can make people feel less than adequate especially when everyone else seem to have one. If you don't know your purpose don't worry. You already have one. It is the same purpose everyone else has - to stay alive. That is why we are not extinct as a species. Because it is the human condition to be very good at staying safe so as to live.
Centuries ago humans refined how to exist in a tribe and to know their roles in the tribe because if they didn't they may become ostracized by the tribe where they could die at the hands of another tribe or the elements. That fight-flight-or-flee mentality kept people safe and alive. Today that guarded mentality doesn't serve us as well, especially if it shows up as a low risk tolerance in a leadership setting.
On a job interview often candidates will answer the question, "What is your purpose?" by saying, “I just want to make a difference.” This doesn’t...
Mean Leaders and Executive Presence
I’ve never understood why overbearing people think they have power. It’s obvious they don’t. Nobody trusts them or authentically has their back. They are always exhausted trying to make themselves look good at other’s expense. Their insecurities reek in their behavior. And their leadership has no sustainable affect because the people they play to are the first ones off the ship when it starts to go down.
If you can’t achieve your goals without manipulating, controlling, condescending to, backstabbing, and intimidating other people along the way you’re weak and you will ultimately fail. Period. I’ve seen it in corporate America time and time again. It may not be right away. But it will happen. And your legacy will precede you everywhere you go after that.
The real problem with mean people is that they are intrinsically unhappy, insecure and have minimal self-awareness. The root feeling behind their behavior is anger coupled...
Two Questions to Ask When the Issue is Generational
I hear so much in our culture about the differences in the generations. I even hear people identifying themselves by a generation. I think it’s wise to understand people’s differences but I think identifying someone’s behavior with a certain generation is no different than identifying them with a race, religion, sexual orientation, or national origin.
When I hear, “Millennials are the way they are because their parents spoiled them” or “Boomers can’t keep up with technology” I wonder how comfortable people would feel saying, “Hispanics are the way they are because their parents spoiled them” or “Catholics can’t keep up with technology.” Calling out by generation to make a point is elitist, discriminating and insulting.
When you find in a conflict that you are putting someone in a generational box before you characterize them ask yourself,
“What do they really need me to understand about...
Six Steps When You've Internalized Their Bad Behavior to be About You
So often we internalize people’s negative behavior toward us as something wrong with us. If your uncertain about someone's pensive perspective on you follow these steps.
1. Schedule a meeting with the other person with the purpose of creating a better working or personal relationship. Do not handle this through email.
2. Tell her you hope you are wrong yet you sense judgment from her. Ask him what you could do to improve the relationship.
3. Listen for opportunities for self-improvement. Ask her what she believes her role is in aligning the relationship.
4. If after you have done this her behavior doesn’t change, she doesn't own her part in the misalignment or she won’t even meet with you it’s time to let go of your expectations of her. Unrest always lies in expectations. Having them is useless and out of your control. Goals you can affect are far better.
5. Release your desire for a healthy relationship with him and start managing him like a difficult...
What do you do when someone is jealous of you at work?
Jealousy is a wicked emotion that will leave you feeling powerless and empty until you can be vulnerable enough to admit the root cause of it and accept yourself with all your imperfections no matter what anyone else thinks, does or has. Most of the time we are dealing with our own jealousy of people who have what we think we deserve – a better job, more authority, better executive presence, a better life. Self-acceptance without expectations is king.
Sometimes, however, we are bound by the jealousy of others. You can feel their resentment by the way they respond to you – ignoring, dismissing, dirty looks, excluding.
Six Thing to Do When Someone is Jealous of You
- Allow him his feelings. It’s his journey not yours. It is not your job to change his feelings. It is your job to get along with him in a productive manner.
- Be true to yourself and a servant leader to all, including her. Treat her as you would anyone else. Don’t vary...
Don't Make This Mistake When They Call for the Interview
Recently a client told me of a firing squad interview experience that warrants a share and checklist.
Thirteen candidates were interviewed in a large room, 20 feet apart, by 12 people who scored them on three questions. Their names were drawn from a hat as to who would go first for all three questions. Candidates could hear other candidate’s responses. There would be a second round of these interviews to reduce a pool of 26 candidates to 4.
Question Checklist for When They Call to Schedule the Interview. Ask:
- Who will conduct the interview and their title. Who else will be present/title?
- Where will the actual interview occur? Not just where do you meet the HR professional.
- How much time is allocated for the interview?
- What do you see as the biggest challenge of the position and what should I focus on in my preparation?
- Please send me the complete job description? It may have not been posted online in its entirety. ...
Who is The Company?
Late Monday afternoon on April 23rd my husband flew American Airlines 8+ hours through the night from Philadelphia to Munich. An hour and a half before the flight landed while the cabin was dark and most passengers were sleeping the airline blared an announcement asking people to donate to a charity - something that could have occurred earlier.
My husband questioned the flight attendant who told him to go to AA.com & file a complaint with the company.
(Not that it should matter but my husband flew business class and is Concierge Key, all which the flight attendant knew.)
Subsequently, the pilot came out & told him the same thing.
Let’s replay this:
Pilot: #1) You and every employee are the face of the company - you own its behavior. Apologize and fact find. “I understand you had a bad experience and I apologize. We value your business. Please tell me what happened.”
#2) Affirm the toll. “I understand that you probably have to work as...