How to Let Go When You’ve Tried Everything Else

By nature we home into a negative bias. It’s how we’ve evolved as a species and not become extinct - by keeping ourselves safe. We are very good at noticing danger - so good that our ‘danger antenna’ is primed more than our ‘happiness antenna.’  

So how do we break through this false-prison-comfort-zone we trap ourselves in? 

Certainly not by pressing down the gas peddle on more of the same - complaining, blaming, victimizing, playing it safe. These are the very thoughts we need to let go of to take the risks that bring growth.  

Deal with the things you run from. It is the only way to let them go. Yes, it’s hard. But if we don’t admit what feeling is at the root of our pain it will bubble up each time that feeling you haven’t accepted is triggered. You may have felt abandoned, rejected, dismissed, hurt. Whatever it is examine it. Don’t turn away. “I feel dismissed and it hurt.” Get...

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Here's a Practice to Have the Certainty Essential for You 

I see a lot of my corporate executive coaching clients struggle with the balance of certainty and humility as a leader. They want to have the presence of a strong leader yet they don’t want to appear arrogant or they have some self-doubt. Too often they dial back their executive presence as well as their voice. Here is a good strategy.

1. Listen intently to everything being said - from the 30,000 feet perspective not the 3 feet view.

2. Before you speak take a deep breath.

3. Ask a question before you voice an opinion. “Can please you clarify...?” “Help me understand....”

4. Make a declarative statement that is unarguable and hasn’t been expressed - no uptalk at the end. “What I’ve heard you say is (X)..... I’m thinking we could......”

In the end the pause, the deep breath and the asking of questions gives you a moment to observe yourself in real time so that you may be deliberate not sporadic or guarded.

Your coach,

Mary...

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