Three Things to Say When You Feel Threatened by a Bad Boss or Colleague

You have probably heard people talk about boundaries at work. A boundary is an invisible line between what you will and will not allow. Insecure bosses and colleagues often don’t have them. They don’t know what to do with their unrest, so it turns into anger and despair that gets vented in an inappropriate way at people who don’t deserve it. It’s only a short fix for them so they must keep venting to feel better - dreadful for you. 

All conflict stems from a need to be right so the first thing you want to do with a difficult colleague is to let them be right. This is difficult to achieve when your ego is in the way. Therefore, when you are working on your executive presence you must start first with learning to self-regulate – manage your emotions in the crucial fight-or-flight moment. 

In that crucial moment where you have been offended or feel threatened, take a deep breath and assure yourself you are safe. Be an observer of your own...

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When Another Person Makes You Suffer

Sadly, we internalize and personalize someone’s negativity toward us because we don’t see their suffering at the root of their behavior. We think it’s us. Many of my clients are dealing with command and control bosses and colleagues who posture with personal agendas in cultures where bureaucracy and cynicism are the norm.  

Know this - happy people do not hurt one another. If someone is disrespectful in how they deliver feedback they are unhappy and trying desperately to push that unhappiness on you. The problem for them is this fear based leadership never brings them happiness yet they keep executing the same way at your expense. They can’t turn inward and address their unrest. They turn away from pain with anger and push it outward either overtly or with passive aggression. Very sad existence for them. Don’t make their problem yours. 

It is your choice whether or not to hear feedback as an opportunity and take positive action or wear...

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Four Key Ways to Have Better Executive Presence

In today’s hiring environment companies are screening not only for experience and attitude but for presence. Competency and grit are not enough. You must also have good internal and external self-awareness and self-regulation. In leadership positions that translates to executive presence. 

Executive presence is a sense of being that indicate to others that you know what it takes to lead and be effective. It sends a commanding signal that you know how to harmonize your temperament, confidence, skillset and awareness to get the job done. You know when someone has it. And you know when they don’t. The people who have it are the ones other people look to first. 

Can executive presence be developed? Yes - if you have a baseline of self-confidence and a willingness to find ease when dealing with the unpredictable situations at the executive level. 

Know What Executive Presence Is 

Qualities of Great Executive Presence: 

  1. Curiosity
  2. Tenacity
  3. Certainty
  4. ...
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How to know you have enough for retirement, the second home, the new car...

I’ve wanted to live at the beach since my first visit as a child. My husband and I wrestled with how much money would be enough to save for retirement before we would get a house. Finally, we realized that “enough” is relative. You can always have more. But you can’t always get back precious lost moments.  

Live your life. Don’t wait for perfection. It will never come. The most precious moment you’ll ever have is right now. Make the life decisions you’ve dreamed of for if you don’t your life becomes full of tomorrows where you dummy down your dreams. Your gut will tell you the difference between what’s irresponsible and what’s healthy for you. Action breeds results. Inaction breeds frustration.  

Wishing you freedom and joy today.

If you are struggling with uncertaintly and feel exhasuted and ineffective watch my FREE Training on Three Ways to Move to the Next Level In Your Career Right Now to...

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You Have No Problem Starting Over – Finishing is the Problem

Willpower. You have it. You are dedicated. You start with the best intentions. And then you fizzle out. So, you start changing things just for the sake of change – thinking change is better than doing nothing. And you soon find out that the same old feelings loom and the same behaviors repeat – just in another setting. You feel overwhelmed. 

What is the feeling you are running from? I hope you know because it is taking up a lot of space in your head that you would rather fill with joy. It is robbing you of peace and lacing your days and nights with anxiety. You might think it is fear of failure. But what will happen if you fail? What is the ultimate, deep down devastating result that could happen? You lose the love of those who matter? You will be alone? You’ll be powerless? Isn’t it time you stopped practicing failure in advance in your head? 

Slow down

You know you are on the treadmill to nowhere when you repeat the same thoughts and actions and...

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What to do With Melancholy

I’ve had a very melancholy week. I’m selling my childhood home for my mother, listing my uncle's home for sale (the home my mother grew up in) to help my mother as executor of his estate, and saying goodbye to a majestic era. This photo is of the beautiful patio of The Hotel Excelsior Grand Vittoria in Sorrento, Italy where we stayed several years ago and reminds me that each day has a sunrise and a sunset for a reason. It’s a metaphor for life. Just as the sun has to set in orderly rise again, some things have necessary endings so there can be new beginnings.  

When we grasp onto an ending because we don’t want it to go away it’s like reaching against nature, leaving us forever unsatisfied because what we want is impossible - the energy is against us.  

Honor the memory. For me that means taking the birdbath from my parent’s backyard to my backyard and thinking of my dad who loved to birdwatch every time one of them shakes...

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The First Question to Ask

Yesterday I asked an executive client who is seeking a new position, "What is the biggest thing you did in your current organization in the last year?" He wasn't sure. The question brought him anxiety. After a coaching session he was fully versed in a high-performance answer but until that question he had not defined his value for himself. He had been questioning his value when he is acutely strategic and effective. This lack of self-esteem had been holding him back from applying for jobs in his transferable skill areas and from pitching himself from a position of worth as opposed to passively.

Don't start your job search by researching online for openings. Start by answering this question. Your response should be quantifiable. That means it should reflect an increase or decrease in something, including an amount and percentage.

Too often people cannot equate their value to a metric. If you can't do this you cannot position your value proposition. Surely whatever you are working...

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Your Comfort Zone

I really like this graphic because it illustrates how we have to move beyond fear before we can truly learn. We can read and study about what we need to do but nothing really changes until we deal with fear first. After conquering fear there is freedom.  

Fear is generally mired in life messages to which we affix assumptions. “I’m not ______ enough.” Unraveling those messages is difficult no doubt. We have to face them first. Examine the discomfort. Define how we feel about it. Welcome it in so we can own it. Not turn away. We can release what we own. If we remain victims and don’t own our discomfort it just keeps chasing us down and we just keep running away. That’s paralyzing.

Wishing you freedom today.

If you are struggling with uncertaintly and feel exhasuted and ineffective watch my FREE Training on Three Ways to Move to the Next Level In Your Career Right Now to 1) identify the right role for you, 2) position your transferable...

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I'm fine.

This was definitely me - utterly exhausted as a single parent and sole provider of four children under seven and putting on that everything was ok. I felt judged, tired, inadequate, and ineffective at almost everything. I felt edgy, unhappy and anxious that I wasn’t doing enough or good enough.  

Did I make time to take care of myself by reminding myself that I was awesome just as I was with all my imperfections? No way. No time. I just kept surviving and wearing myself down while pretending I was superwoman. 

As I look back now I see that I already had everything I needed to be a great mom, employee, friend, and leader. I just needed to slow down enough to be gentle with myself in order to be gentle with others. I needed to listen and stop talking. I needed to be curious instead of judgmental because as I judged others I was judging myself far worse. 

Take care of yourself first. All roads lead from there. Self-acceptance trumps all.

My leadership,...

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Telling People How to Improve is Pointless


I’ve always felt that telling people how to improve was pointless. That’s like telling them from the start that they’re not good enough and this makes them shut right down. Applauding and guiding them for excellence while personalizing only to yourself and not them engages people. 

I use the FBI method. “I FELT you really demonstrated great anticipation skills when you (BEHAVIOR) pulled that comparative research on the results of our last campaign. The IMPACT of this is changing our direction to be more focused on one-on-one relationship building and not costly mass acquisition initiatives.” This is far better than, “Great job” or “We didn’t do a good job on that.”

Legendary Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry turned around his struggling team not by showing highlight films of mistakes but by combing through game footage to create a highlight reel for each player of them doing something easily, naturally and...

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