You Must Choose One of the Two
Some people get up every morning and love their workout. I’ve been working out five mornings a week for years and I’ve hated it every single day.
Hate is a strong word. But I’m pretty sure that sums it up. And the truth is I never expect that to change. So it’s ok. I just do it because I feel, look, and move better with this discipline. I would regret not feeling this freedom otherwise.
I’m not a structured person by nature. I never read directions, like standing in line, or understand hierarchy.
But I do understand the value of discipline even though it doesn’t come naturally to me.
Why?
Because I’m motivated by avoiding the pain of regret. I don’t live in regret. It’s defeating.
It’s why I track mindful daily practices every day (yoga, meditation, slowly drinking a glass of water) to keep me in the present moment so I can be self-aware enough to control my runaway thoughts and...
The Success Story
I have a client in Silicon Valley who I’m very proud of today. She is smart, well educated, successful and came to me to grow her self-worth to show up differently at work and in life. She was struggling in relationships with people who were close to her. I felt the pain of her suffering. I felt her despair at how some people treated her. It made me sad.
We worked on healthy boundaries. We worked on self-awareness. We worked on defining her values and her vision of a life in alignment with them. We worked on mindful daily practices that help her self-regulate fear. We worked on being with discomfort long enough to see that it wouldn’t overtake her because it’s only her imagination. We worked on self-acceptance with all her imperfections. We worked more on boundaries.
We did not work on her being better than anything or anyone. We didn’t work on what she didn’t deserve. We didn’t work on why change would be better.
We worked on...
When You've Been Through a Lot and Feel Alone
You know who you are, super heroes.
Here’s to you for not sitting back, for not whining, for making it work despite the odds, for taking risks in the face of doubt, for holding true to your priorities sometimes at the detriment of yourself, for having vision and finding a way, for listening and caring when you thought you had little to give, for being gentle with yourself when it seemed nobody was.
Here's to you for failing and starting again this time with wisdom, for swapping assumptions for the truth, for not letting comparison distract you from your goals and achievements, for wearing all the hats even when they didn’t all fit, for not needing to be right but for getting it right, for not being perfect but still awesome.
Here's to you for lying awake at night worrying about things outside of your control and accepting that no matter what happens you’ve got this, for understanding that judgment only makes you judge yourself far worse, for having the courage to...
Do you feel invisible to senior leadership - and in your personal life?
You have worked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you’re done with feeling undervalued. Top leaders seem to pass you over time and time again only to promote and give opportunities to those with less experience and results. You’re getting resentful and noticing it affects your relationships, your weight and your sleep.
You’re starting to believe you waited too long to make a career move. You think you've wasted time not developing transferable skills. You’ve been passed over so many times that you believe you aren’t relevant anymore. You figure you are stuck where you are forever so maybe you should just give up on your dreams.
My peronal mission is to see leaders with great character not have to doubt themselves any more - to help them rise to understand their inner wisdom and how to position it to thrive at work and in life.
In February I am opening 6 spots to join my new signature program - Corner Office Freedom -...
Timely Example of The One Thing
Clients often ask me how they can become a better leader. I tell them this: Anticipate. Know your industry - what is coming 2 -5-10 years down the road. Know your products and services - their uniqueness and vulnerabilities. Know your end user - their needs and wants. Know your team - their strengths, opinions and what they need from you.
Healthcare is a reactive not proactive industry. Most say it is more profitable that way. That is shortsighted. People are living longer. Chronic disease has become more difficult and costly to manage. The emotional and financial suffering from COVID-19 could have been minimized if we'd been prepared.
This quote from a recent Harvard Business Review article by Pete Schultz speaks truth. "Imagine how many lives we could have saved, how much economic distress we could have mitigated, if, at the onset of Covid-19, we had one or more safe drugs that were highly potent against coronaviruses and could be immediately advanced into human trials. Investing...
When They Don't Talk About It
We personalize other people’s behavior in an effort to guard against their wrath. This isn’t helpful. Your colleague’s frustration, anger, condescension or dismissiveness might be vented at you but is not rooted in you. There is nothing wrong with you because someone treats you poorly. Good people know how to communicate without making you feel small.
Try asking them this: “If we were to have a better working relationship what would that look like?” This forces them to articulate action not victimization.
Then don’t speak or interrupt. Say only, “Tell me more about that.”
Let them feel heard. DON’T defend yourself - just repeat back what you heard. In there words will be things they are likely wrong about. But let them be validated.
Ask them if they want a better working relationship with you. This is important because if they say “yes,” which they likely will, now they’ve made a...
How Honesty Saves Time and Builds Executive Presence
Jason’s boss is the new CEO of a company that has not met budget for two years. The organization is merging with two other organizations, making the culture guarded and tentative. Jason is afraid his position isn’t secure because the CEO continually questions his opinions and doesn’t affirm that he brings any value to the team. Additionally, the executive management team is posturing at their weekly meetings whereby one dominant personality is allowed to single him out with criticism outside of her authority. Jason is feeling judged by his boss and threatened by his peers.
How we conduct ourselves in a tense situation is paramount to how we are viewed as a leader. Maintaining executive presence is extremely challenging when you feel as if you are negatively critiqued. Self-management is key. Being honest with yourself and others is the first tenet to presence. We must be vulnerable enough to accept our discomfort internally before we externalize it with...
How to Deal with Anger from Your Divorce
I spent a lot of years angry. Very angry. I was in a neglectful and abusive marriage as a stay-at-home mother of four children under seven-years-old. On the outside it looked like we were living the country club life while in reality my life was unpalatable. Every day I felt as if a noose around my neck was choking my ability to breathe. Finally, I filed for divorce as a leap of faith and was completely unprepared for the avalanche to come.
Within six months of filing for divorce my husband placed his businesses into bankruptcy on loans I had cosigned. He canceled his children’s and my health insurance but not his own. Our home which was nearly paid off and in the most affluent suburb of town went up for Sheriff’s Sale whereby 100% of the proceeds went to offset his business debt. The bank repossessed my minivan, not his car. And I had to chase him through the courts for a child support and alimony award at its highest of $269 a week – which he appealed. The...
Trying to Change Them
When people hire me as their executive coach many times they are struggling with a stagnant career, feel stereotyped or are having a difficult time finding clarity, balance and being effective. As we dig into the real root cause nine times out of ten the biggest issue is their confidence in feeling worthy to deliver. This doubt presents itself in our behavior, though we don’t realize the subtleness of our eye contact, voice intonation, relationship savvy. Everyone has a blind spot. The problem is that others see it with what they perceive as pinpoint accuracy and then apply their own bias to it resulting in prejudice. And therefore, you don't get what you want.
If you struggle with any of these issues let's have a conversation to see if coaching is a good fit. You can request a free call with me at the link below. If you don’t know where you'll be at the end of the year, you're already there.
Success is freedom. Not more hours. Request a free call now so we can see...
Thinking About Death
Since my father died a year+ ago I have thought a lot about death - why are we here, my own mortality, suffering, how to maximize each day with meaning and connection. In the end I’ve realized that life is precious and the only thing we are guaranteed is this very moment. When I was early in my career I used to worry about what people thought. Now I try to pay more attention to my own actions and behaviors. That has built my confidence, and efficacy.
I guess for me the point of life is love. To love and to be loved. At work that means being a servant leader and to be revered. Not to achieve or get anything. When I stay in that perspective I feel what it is to live.
WIshing you a vibrant day today.
If you are ready to get off the treadmill to nowhere and have peace, confidence, executive presence, career advancement and high performance in the face of challenges, personal agendas, cynicism and bureaucracy request a free consultation call to see if coaching is a good...