When we experience shame, we live in constant fear of being rejected. Often we don’t even realize that shame is driving our feelings of not being good enough. And we become trapped in avoidance strategies we create to escape the pain. This leaves us in a perpetual state of unrest and denial of the truth of our power over our thoughts.
At work this shows up as edginess, control, lack of connectedness, and withdrawal. Thus robs you of executive presence and effectiveness. In relationships it shows up the same way.
It took me a long time to realize shame was behind my executive exterior. I was successful yet not connecting with colleagues, friends and family in a way I’d have liked. It took a lot of soul searching and humility to admit I felt unloved, unliked and unworthy after my divorce. When I could finally admit that, I could then be kinder and gentler with myself. It was a sigh of relief to not have to pretend I was anything more than I was - not perfect. Just human.
Invite the sadness of shame in as opposed to turning away from it. Get to know it. What’s behind it? What would you say to a good friend who felt that? Nurture it like you would a small child or puppy.
Shame drives negative thoughts and bad behavior. Be it’s friend. It needs you. You need you.
If you don't know where you'll be at the end of the year you are already there. Here's a link to my website where there are links to many FREE tools to help your leadership effectiveness and your career. www.MaryLeeGannon.com
If you are struggling with uncertainty and feel exhausted and ineffective watch my FREE Training on Three Ways to Move to the Next Level In Your Career Right Now to 1) identify the right role for you, 2) position your transferable skills and 3) create a career portfolio that sells you before you even get an interview. If you don't know where you will be at the end of the year, you are already there.
P.S. Feel free to forward this email to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life looking for a hand to hold. Sometimes we must be the hand that reaches out. www.MaryLeeGannon.com
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 19-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Request a free consultation call.
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