I have a client who is struggling hard in her marriage right now and it reminds me about the stake we take in dreams. Pain and suffering are real and raw when they hit our emotions yet we justify that the situation might not be that bad because we care about someone and the thought of losing them threatens our ability to be strong and rips at our dreams - in this case the dream of happily ever after.
Make no mistake - there is no ‘strength’ in putting up with something that doesn’t feel right and isn't showing any sign of gettng better. That is denial. As much as you love someone if they have it in them to tear out your heart that is a choice and they are not a victim of circumstance. Communication is key. If there is none, you have a problem. If the other person doesn't choose to improve the communication and passive agressively makes you the issue that is a serious red flag.
Separate the person from the dream. The dream can still be realized. Maybe it didn’t work in this instance. That doesn’t carry with it a penalty of ‘forever.’ Yes, it is hard to let go. Especially when you don’t know what to let go of. You can let go of the person and still hold the innocence of hope for the dream. There are no rations on dreams. We’ve been recreating dreams and ideals since we were children. Your dreams in high school are not your dreams of today. In some instances we must mourn the loss of the person to hold fast to the vibrancy of love.
When it comes to work sometimes we must mourn the loss of a job, coworkers who have been laid off, a missed promotion, a career setback. Don’t confuse that with mourning that the loss is permanent or pervasive. Dream. Dream big. We create our futures. We are not victims of them.
Wishing you the power of creation today.
You’re amazing. Don’t ever forget that.
Here is a free tool to help you find a pause moment to reevaluate things in real time. The Pause Cafe Tip Sheet.
P.S. Feel free to send this link to someone who could benefit from it. We are all walking down the same road in life.
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 18-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Get her FREE Career and Life Planning Tool to be more effective, the leader everyone wants to work for and have a better connection with the people who matter while it still matters. If you don't know where you will be at the end of 2018, you are already there.
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