When You Can't Let Go
You want to let go of that nasty, debilitating thought that gnaws at your peace, ambition and ability to show up for people you care about.
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You try.
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But doubt keeps weaseling itself back to the front of your mind and taking up more space every time it resurfaces.
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š You read self-help books.
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š You listen to podcasts.
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š§ You think about it a lot yet nothing changes.
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šŖYou figure youāll just work harder because that always worked before only now not only are you stuck, youāre exhausted. And people are distancing themselves from you.
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š”You get hard on yourself because you canāt fix this.
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š©You start to think thereās something wrong with you, that this will last forever and effect your relationships.
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š You notice that your are giving up hope.
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The truth isā¦
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The reason none of these things are working is two foldā¦
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- The thing you think you need to let go of is likely not the root of the problem.
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- You donāt know how to interrupt the destructiv ...
Can We Please Normalize PTO? (and Announcement!)
Can we all please normalize appreciating PTO. Arnie and I decided a long time ago that we have to be the ones to prioritize our wellbeing. We didnāt wait for retirement to get the beach house. We donāt wait for retirement to travel. We donāt wait for retirement to regularly visit our children out of town. We donāt wait for retirement to take up hobbies, new sports, creative endeavors, meet new friends. We donāt have a bucket list. We live it every day.Ā
I've spent most of my career as an execuitive at hospitals all to often seeing people retire, think they're going to do everything they've been waiting their whole lives to do, and an illness stops them in their tracks. Don't wait. Scale your dreams to what is reasonable and live them now.
Arnie and I are both high achievers and realize that sometimes doing our best means reflecting on whatās in the way of that happening.Ā
The American culture has convinced many people that the work treadmill is necessary for success. That you must p...
Five Things I Learned on My Family Vacation
Recently, my family was together for a summer vacation and get-together in my hometown. Some of my family live here. My oldest daughter and her husband and two children came to visit. Additionally, four of our other children who live here got together in some form with the group nearly every day over a 10-day timeframe. There was much laughter, deep conversations, some drama and a lot of love. Ā Ā
I was a little sad when everyone left to go home to their daily lives. I was a little surprised by some things that occurred last week and questioned why some things are the way they are. Mostly, I felt full - full of being loved and giving love. I will share how I got to this pace despite drama and how I stay there. Even if I wander off the path, I know how to get back on it to get home.Ā Ā
A long time ago I read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the advice always serves me well.
#1) Be impeccable with your word.
#2) Don't take anything personally.
#3) Don't make assumpt...
One Question
I have one question for you.
Are you where you want to be in your career and personal life?
If the answer is,Ā "yes,"Ā go to the next thing that interests you.
If the answer isĀ "not really" or "I don't even think about what I want anymore,"Ā then you might want to think try to understand what you might be missing in your leadership and your career search - what other people see that you do not.
It is kind of scary looking at yourself from a different perspective. That's ok.Ā You've already done a lot of firsts in your life. So have I.
ā First time marriedā First time divorcedā First time as a single mom of four childrenā First time on welfare, food stamps, medical assistance, homeless and without an automobileā First time committing to not be a victim, owning my life and being the role model my children needā First CEO role I wasnāt qualified for on paperā First time raising $10.4 million on the heels of the largest hospital bankruptcy in US historyā First time letting my guard down...
You Must Choose One of the Two
Some people get up every morning and love their workout. Iāve been working out five mornings a week for years and Iāve hated it every single day.Ā
Hate is a strong word. But Iām pretty sure that sums it up. And the truth is I never expect that to change. So itās ok. I just do it because I feel, look, and move better with this discipline. I would regret not feeling this freedom otherwise.Ā
Iām not a structured person by nature. I never read directions, like standing in line, or understand hierarchy.Ā
But I do understand the value of discipline even though it doesnāt come naturally to me.Ā
Why?Ā
Because Iām motivated by avoiding the pain of regret. I donāt live in regret. Itās defeating.Ā
Itās why I track mindful daily practices every day (yoga, meditation, slowly drinking a glass of water) to keep me in the present moment so I can be self-aware enough to control my runaway thoughts and emotions.Ā
Because those thoughts tell me I donāt have time for woo-woo stuff like that. Yet I ...
This Misconception Costs Careers, Relationships and Satisfaction
This image illustrates the fallacy that hard work leads to recognition and advancement. That accessories will make you feel important. That salary equals fulfillment.
These are merely coverings we lay over our desire to be valued when we donāt believe in ourselves.
At a certain level everyone is working hard, earns a reasonable wage and has a nice pen or handbag.
Hard work can turn into the treadmill to nowhere if it is your only career strategy or your escape from things that are not working.
Negotiating for salary without a tool belt of signature strengths, how youāve applied them, your measurable key accomplishments, your value proposition in a new role and a timeline for delivery is far less effective.
And the stuff you buy is a great way to treat yourself as long as it isnāt how you make yourself feel good when you doubt yourself.
Everything on the bottom of this image comes from an internal sense of self-worth.
I see this in my clients. Society tells you what you should wa...
It's Ready! And I was wrong.
Hi Friend!
Iāve been coaching leaders of different titles and industries for 12 years. Over time Iāve witnessed common themes show up in almost everyone. Truthfully, Iāve seen them show up in myself as well.Ā
We feel unrest in our careers. And it begins to spread to our personal lives.Ā
We stop taking care of ourselves. We break from healthy routines such as exercise, eating healthy, a good nightās sleep.Ā
We distance ourselves from the people we care about.Ā
We stop seeing ourselves as top talent in our area of expertise.Ā
We start to doubt our efficacy at all. We think there is something wrong with us. And then we see ourselves as small. In all aspects of our lives.Ā
And then we show up small, perpetuating the very insidious doubt trap that hamstrings our happiness.Ā
I know this well from having been a single mom on welfare food stamps, medical assistance, and homeless without an automobile at the end of my divorce. You think you donāt deserve better. Until you do, nothing ch...
The Great Break Up - Women leaders leave their positions
Women leaders are switching jobs at the highest rates weāve ever seenāand at higher rates than men in leadership. It's been called "The Great Breakup." The recent Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey and LeanIn.org shows that 10.5 % of women leaders (9% of men) left their positions in 2021 compared to roughly 8.25% of women leaders in 2017 (8% of men). It also showed that only one in four C-suite leaders is a woman, and only one in 20 is a woman of color.
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For the eighth consecutive year, a broken rung at the first step up to manager is holding women back. For every 100 men who are promoted from entry-level roles to manager positions, only 87 women are promoted, and only 82 women of color are promoted
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Women are more likely to experience belittling microaggressions, such as having their judgment questioned or being mistaken for someone more junior. Theyāre doing more to support employee well-being and foster inclusion, but itās spreading them thin and going mostly unreward...
Important Discussions with Your Boss ā Everything is a Negotiation
Often, I see clients put off important discussions with their bosses because they arenāt really sure how to structure them and fear they may come off as expecting too much and eventually feel rejected. This is unwise. A little preparation can earn you respect and what you want.Ā
How to prepare for the meeting:Ā
- Ask for a specific meeting date/time. This will underscore its importance. Donāt have the discussion after another meeting or as a sidebar conversation. Label the meeting something that is important to the organization ā not yourself: ABC Company Priorities and (Your Department).
- Whatās the goal?Ā This meeting is not a discussion. You are not mind mapping here. It is a negotiation. Know what you want to occur by the end of the meeting: i.e., I will now spend my time working on important projects, not things that are randomly assigned to me. I have an idea on how to minimize those things and who is more appropriate to do them.
- Know your home base.Ā Donāt let them pull you int ...
Why Sometimes You Feel Small
Judgment is never helpful. It makes us artificially feel big when in fact it is a covering for feeling small. Life isnāt binary. There is a lot of grey between black and white. When we can be still enough to be aware of the grey we can honor the emotion that needs to be released so that we may see the clearing that calls us. Everyone is not called to the same path. The world is big. We can allow for lots of paths. We just have to be willing to walk our path alone. Thatās self-acceptance. Thatās knowing that weāre always evolving and learning. Thatās being satisfied. Thatās peace.Ā
We arenāt victims of our lives, we are conductors.Ā
We need reminders to help us stay on our path. Mindful routines do this. Each morning I do yoga, drink a slow glass of water, meditate, set three daily goals and set a daily intention. These routines take less than 30 minutes and help me start my day fresh, aware and totally focused on how I choose to live my life.Ā
How do you stay on your path? What rout...